Oh NOOOOOO Mom got an iPhone

From: Mom

4:37P

I   the queen of text!!

 

From: Mom

4:38P

Oops forgot the word "am" but u get my drift

 

She's got the good eggs! They must taste like steak. --delivery man, noticing me buying Compassionate Yuppie (tm) eggs

Mini burgers aren't gay! You think everything's gay. --Kate

These ones are gay! They have little flowers on top. --Phil

I second this emotion

Dear Kath*rine Gr*ce,
Thank you for not being engaged or married. These engagements are suffocating my personal space.
Love,
[friend]

to be filed under 'some things never change'

http://www.tmz.com/2009/04/23/barack-a-bye-baby-obama-advisor-nods-off/

Good morning to you too!

Kate (answering phone): Hey Phil!

Phil: (Cough, cough.) Oh, sorry. I was just choking on my own phlegm.Hi!

Such flattery

i had dinner with kate

I mean karen
--Phil

Hard to argue with that

I'd really like to meet someone who is sarcastic, my exact equal in attractiveness (so no one feels weird) and brilliant.--guy on Match.com

Do you remember when you had a science project and were going to order the ebola virus from the internet?--email from my aunt

Karen's Brain as she espies an annoying looking man

Man taps his foot impatiently. He's wearing an HBS fleece


"What an annoying looking man. Such a typical HBS guy."


Man turns to his wife, speaks to her rapidly in a foreign language


"Oooh... He's not an asshole, he's just European."

it's really been too long

"of all the things i've done, i wish one of them were you"

-two teens at a backstreet boys concert

So there

And remember, God loves you, and so do I. And you know what? There's nothing you can do about it. --pastor's outgoing voice mail

I think I cannot type any more, though, becauseAndrew's computer is missing the space bar, and you have to press thislittle dot where the space bar used to be, which doesn't always workand makes typing veeeery slow. Unlessyouwantittolooklikethiswhichwouldbeveryfastindeed.

-- Andrew

What's this you talk about?

Friend: Have you been to Tokyo?
Me: No! What's that?

- my sudden lapse of memory of a major international city... in my defense, I thought he was talking about a fancy club or restaurant somewhere...

sounds like a winner!

After joining the Libertarian Party two years ago, Mr. Barr declared his intention to run for the 2008 presidential nomination only 10 days before the party’s convention in May. (Mr. Barr is also remembered for an incident in 2002, while preparing a Senate bid on a gun-rights platform, when he accidentally fired an antique .38-caliber pistol during a fund-raiser, shattering a sliding glass door.)

an inevitable statement, when you drink nothing but wine in 90 degree weather

"everyone's all like 'fight the terrorists', but do you know who we really need to look out for? the canadians! canadian men are streaming across the border at an alarming rate and taking our women - and the biggest problem is that they look just like us....."
- random guy

continuing the testicular theme

highlight of my week working in the inpatient newborn unit:

me: excuse me dr, this woman has a question about her son's testicles
dr: yes ma'am?
woman: i'm concerned that they're...too big
me: they look about normal when comparing them to all the others we've seen this week
dr: yeah, newborn scrotums are usually large compared to their penises
woman: that's good to hear
dr: yeah, like father like son, right? *starts to laugh*
me: *face in hands*
woman and husband: *nervous laughter*

"i guess i just don't understand male-male sibling relationships since i don't have brothers. but yeah, my guy cousins call each other names like 'dickface' and 'ballsack.'"

"ballsack? as in scrotum?"

"yeah."

"i cut open a scrotum! actually i didn't cut it...i peeked inside a scrotum!"

--me and feilin talking about fraternal culture and anatomy lab

getting to know you...

DGA house manager: Got anymore stories? Our first conversation was about child pornography, our second was about flesh eating bacteria.

Me: Wouldn't it be more strange to have a story about both?

DGA house manager: (laughs) Yeah.

Me: Oh, wait. They already have a category for that. It's called "snuff."

An excerpt of my days working our film festival.

3-year-old girl: Daddy, is it alright to say no?
Father: Honey, it is ALWAYS alright to say no.
3-year-old girl: It's always alright to say no? Even to grownups and boys?
Father: That's right, honey.
3-year-old girl: Okay! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Father, to me: I walked right into that one, didn't I.

-- Red Line

Wow, am I a total upper or what?

friend: My Katew*** levels are in the cellar. I need me some Katew***

me: as long as Katew***, herself, is kept out of the cellar
women of the world are somewhat sensitive to that phrase right now
but uh yeah, that went somewhere dark, let's hang out! : D

"I'm third in line, so I'm like the Nancy Pelosi of Fusion."
"Well, I talk to other groups, so I'm like Condoleezza Rice."
"So you mean you're a gap-toothed traitor to your race?"

Stuff white people don't like, apparently

1st black kid: (play-punches 2nd black kid)
Me: (steps to side)
2nd black kid: Man, why you always gotta start shit in front of white people!?
– Boylston St.

Can't help ya there, lady

"I know, but I'm a post-generalist, and he just doesn't UNDERSTAND!" – grad student on cell phone, Harvard Yard

Hi, this is the Almighty. Do you have 5 minutes for a short phone survey?

"Fine, we'll put God in charge of the data collection." – overheard, Harvard Yard

But Allston sure is relieved not to be taking the heat

Drunk guy 1: BRIGHTON SUCKS! BRIGHTON SUCKS! BRIGHTON, YOU SUCK SO HARD!
Drunk guy 2: Dude, Brighton can't hear you. It's way over there.
-- Harvard Square

Girl: He used to eat cheesecake alone, but now he's eating cheesecake with Caitlin.
Another girl: What a douche!

-- coffeeshop in Boston

Epic pickup line fail

Guy on T, to me: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Guy: Did you go to high school in Malden?
Me: No.
Guy: ...
Me: ...
Guy: Well, you totally look like you did.

love/hate relationship with my mom's printer, and my mom's refusal to wear her reading glasses from time to time

mom (yelling from the family room): *venting frustration* what does it mean when my documents are quiched?
me (yelling from my room): 'quiche'?
mom: yeah, it says they've been quiched!
me: *confused, and now hungry* spell that for me?
mom: q-u-e-u-e-d

She lives with Big Richard and Big Bow Wow

"So, Mom, is there a Big Kim?" – young girl on #77 bus

to be filed under 'awesome'

not a quote, but interesting nonetheless.

much more interesting than my usmle step 1 study book, which looks like someone stabbed a rainbow and mopped up the colors with the pages.

In which white WOFIGO wins at life

"Gay friends are an essential part of a white person's all-star
diversity roster. But they are always on the lookout for the ultimate
friend; a gay minority." --stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com

He was going for "best man"

Phillip: is the what do you call them--your male counterpart-
me: andrew?
Phillip: yes

Reunification of the Obscene Asians, v. 2008

"Cunt is a social disease."

-WOFIGO Fan, referring to his sudden increase in usage of the word, which thereby resulted in an increased usage in San Luis Obispo