Dog training digest: in which the interested public means well, but...

Jean: Why you washing the pillow?
Me: The dog piddled on it.
Jean: Hm. (gives me new pillow, to his credit)
-- (5 minutes later) --
Jean: Why you washing the comforter?
Me: The dog piddled on it.
Jean: Hm.
-- (5 minutes later) --
Jean: Why you throw that rug away? The dog, he wet on the rug?
Me: Yeah...
Jean: You tell the dog he no can wet inside. You need to train the dog. Dog, he must wet outside. That is what you tell him. If he wet inside, you tell him bad dog, no wet inside, must wet outside. It is not good, that the dog wet inside.
Me: We're trying...
Jean: You tell dog etc. etc. etc.
-- (fade to black) --