I am getting Alzheimer's

Me: The thing is getting dull.
Anne: What thing?
Me: It's silver. You twist it, and you get oranges or pineapple.
Anne: ...
Me: ...
Anne: Can opener!

Me: What did you eat when you were in that place?
Anne: What place?
Me: The place that's reeeeally far.
Anne: ...
Me: ...
Anne: Japan!

Lauren: What happened to Albie? He has one of those head cones.
Me: He was...
Lauren: Operated on?
Me: Yes. Neutralized. He was had his balls removed.
Lauren: Neutered.
Me: Yes!
Random guy walking behind us: HAHAHAHAHA