now that I'm on the psych ward...

"So now what the hell am I supposed to write for an assessment? "Assessment: patient is [scribbling in air] BAT SHIT C.R.A.Z.Y.?"

-a friend, on his morning interview with a selective mute patient with psychotic features.

-----------------
"Can you speak English?"
"Yes. I can. Do you need help?"
"No, like,um, you speak English?"
"I'm, urr, speaking it right now. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"So, um, like, are you Asian? Chinese? Japanese? Korean...."
"I'm Vietnamese. but what can I help you with?"
"Oh, um, are you a doctor?"
"No, I'm a medical student."
"Oh. Ooooh! Nevermind then."

My conversation with a paranoid schizophrenic this morning.