"i just don't understand jamie lynn spears. i mean, she's probably making, like, $10,000 per episode, and then she goes and gets pregnant! come on! hasn't she ever heard of birth control??"
- my professor's eleven-year-old son, venting his frustration as regards to the cancellation of "Zoey 101"
I'm going to tell you something that you once told me, and that was really perceptive about this. It was---umm, hold on---umm, let's come back to that.
-Phil
"Men are weirded out by periods because they don't understand blood without violence."
- My high school chem teacher recounting a stand-up routine she once saw.
“I’d rather have the money to buy more beer, pizza and twinkies.”
-my cardiovascular pharmacology professor, on why he's never used Rogaine
Strong, M. (1990). Furgling by the Red-backed Fairy-Wren. Sunbird 20: 37-38.
I can't stop imagining that it's Andrew on that bed.
I think Emily Dickinson would be proud.
Look at that booty drop!
Marion, you should hire this little dude as a guest choreographer.
The first thing on my list of things to do is "disavow authority."
--fellow student, glancing at his notes as he prepared to lead a meeting and discussion
And l'chayim telling you...
...I'm not cooking!
This Passover, get your seder to-go.
--from a Tribune email
"I might be getting brave enough to start using colons!"
- our new obituaries writer who is not a journalist and is learning punctuation (seemingly for the first time)
"I have such good news! My father and my brothers are joining up with the militia to fight the British, so that we may all be free!"[exclaimed Betsy]
"Oh, Betsy, that is good news!" cried Katey.
"My nipples are like muskets!"
-Shouts & Murmurs. The New Yorker. Mar.12, 2007.
"never underestimate the healing powers of 'star wars'. "
-my friend jon, describing how his cousin survived brain cancer by using mental imagery, specifically of the cancer cells as death stars being destroyed by skywalker-style fighter planes
"Chief! I have some dignity." -- me
"You are in the wrong house for dignity." -- Chief
"when there's something weird, in the clitoral hood, who ya gonna call? Gyn Consult!"
- her latest away message
...this is why i hella HEART you (among other things)!
"on halloween, we had to saw off the arms and legs of our cadaver. today, we had to cut through genitalia. this is eerie and slightly uncomfortable." - my lab partner
"um...nothing says happy valentine's day than sawing a penis open with a scalpel, in my opinion" - me
I bought a karaoke machine from an alcoholic in Palatine, and that is
the extent of my activity.
--Kate
i debated on posting this because i'm sure you all are current with gofugyourself.com, but this made me laugh for 5 minutes (probably b/c it's 4:50 am, but whatever)
"Has it escaped your notice that you appear to be shacking up with Marilyn Manson?...Did he give you beer goggles that make him look like Kiefer Sutherland? Does he turn back into a cuddly little pumpkin after midnight? Is his junk made of Diet Coke?" - The Fug Girls, to Evan Rachel Wood
