Good thing Tolstoy didn't know about OCS

"I would write a great novel, but I don't think I could get funding for it."
- overheard on Mill St.

Children love me, women want me, criminals fear me

“Kids always stop me and ask me to blow the horn for them,” he said, testing the siren for effect. “And the women — I don’t know why, but they love it! I once had a woman pull over her car, get out and ask me if she could ride it. Of course, I had to say no.”

--Yale Daily News interview with the first Yale police officer to ride a police Segway

the literature scholar's lament

No, we don't get toys at the library; we get books at the library.

--Mother to disappointed-looking toddler

Yes, I read the NYT 'Style' Section.

“For some people who see the pink shirts,” the investment banker, 25, said, “they ostracize, they say it’s uncool. But just because you went to Princeton doesn’t mean you’re a jerk.”

-NYtimes, in an article about a bar in downtown that caters to preppies and their 'breeding'.

Nine times out of 10 IvyGate's so meh, and then . . .

"Some perv, apparently, was hiding in a bathroom stall in the Caldwell Fieldhouse, taking secret photos of naked dudes showering after track and lacrosse practice; the athletes gave low-speed chase (presumably in shower sandals, wielding back-scratchers)" . . .

--IvyGate

Optative Subjunctive

"Would that my life were as exciting as...."

-IvyGate excerpt from a recent posting in the Yale alumni magazine. Have I ever heard this pretentious contortion of English before? No. Will I speak it in casual conversations with a lilting Oxfordian accent from now on? HELL YES!

Refusing the crown

The first thing on my list of things to do is "disavow authority."

--fellow student, glancing at his notes as he prepared to lead a meeting and discussion

the ivy towers come crashing down

to preface: last night i was in a car with 4 other people who had also gone to ivy leagues, and all but one were drunk:

columbia (the DD): harvard #2, shut the hell up! why are we listening to michigan fight song music? can we get some coldplay in here?
penn (the owner of the car): this car has four wheel drive, we should just totally cross the median island and turn around so we don't have to turn around later! *cranks up michigan fight song music*
me (harvard #1): ...i need water...and air...and new york blows
harvard #2: quick! i can't be that drunk! someone test me on something! what's 2 to the 9th power!
brown: can we get a muzzle for harvard #2 please?

Aren't you glad we went to Harvard?

An associate was termed as any individual animal with whom the individual animal in question had had an association index value of greater than zero with; meaning an individual animal with whom an individual animal in question was seen in the same group as.

-- a hapless Princetonian senior thesis