Can't help ya there, lady

"I know, but I'm a post-generalist, and he just doesn't UNDERSTAND!" – grad student on cell phone, Harvard Yard

A New Year's present: the best quip you've heard in a while

"Would you like some bread? We have plain bread, and we have fancy bread." – me
"I will quote the Bard: 'Tell me, where is fancy bred?'" – David Slavitt

"Yes, mom, I know. I know. Yes, I know it's important to have a social life."

-girl on cell phone

eats shoots and leaves

First of all, 'asshole' is not hyphenated.

--guy, looking over girl's shoulder, snarking at an email

Yes, I "go" to "Brown" -- how'd you "guess"?

This is Cambridge in a nutshell

O brave new world, That has such people in't!

As soon as I hung up with him I sat down and read "The Tempest," because I couldn't think of anything else to do.--Andrew

Speaking of overeducated

Roommates: They are very friendly and nice!!!! A man has a Dog but she is very nice and educated. never bother you.

Freudian Slips and Academic Snobbery

"I mean, I wouldn't want to drop down to Gov." ::shudders::
-Egon, talking about the esteemed Social Studies concentrator's options for not finishing one's thesis

good lord

"All is well here. I had a nice chat with Toni Morrison last night. It was funny."

-- e-mail from my mom

Refusing the crown

The first thing on my list of things to do is "disavow authority."

--fellow student, glancing at his notes as he prepared to lead a meeting and discussion

GAWD, I have to face something bum-related everyday.

Doctor: "Mr. M, these two medical students here will assist me with your physical exam..."

Mr. M: "Ok, sure, but there's no way all three of you are going to stick your fingers up my bum. Not today. I've already had that done...."

Oh really, now?

"I might be getting brave enough to start using colons!"

- our new obituaries writer who is not a journalist and is learning punctuation (seemingly for the first time)

the ivy towers come crashing down

to preface: last night i was in a car with 4 other people who had also gone to ivy leagues, and all but one were drunk:

columbia (the DD): harvard #2, shut the hell up! why are we listening to michigan fight song music? can we get some coldplay in here?
penn (the owner of the car): this car has four wheel drive, we should just totally cross the median island and turn around so we don't have to turn around later! *cranks up michigan fight song music*
me (harvard #1): ...i need water...and air...and new york blows
harvard #2: quick! i can't be that drunk! someone test me on something! what's 2 to the 9th power!
brown: can we get a muzzle for harvard #2 please?

I would've said "betterer"

This is better--email from my boss

This is more better--subsequent email from my boss

"They probably just had an argument about how he was enacting epistemic violence upon her subjectivity. 'You are trying to discipline me into a subject position. You think of me as the inessential other. Why?! WHY?!'"
-- Angela's rendering of a lovers' quarrel between two academic-looking types making out at the next table in Peet's

Me and Robots

"Magical-realism as a genre of contemporary literature, I think....is very much a product of globalization. There is a sense of conflict between traditions and globalizing forces, at the very least, a juxtaposition between the old and new and a mandate to blend the two....not only in terms of identity, but also consciousness.....and one can think of the magic and folklore as a kind of consciousness that in magical-realism coexist with the mundane, everyday materialistic world..."

"Um...but what does that have to do with robots?"

--Mike and I, discussing his paper for a Lit A course; I'm the long-winded one. Damn those robots.

Maternal cell phone tribulations, part XXXIV

"Oh darling, I'm going to put the phone down for a second so I can get out of the car."

(pause)

(very muffled and distant) "Darling? Are you there?"

(pause)

(clear now) "That's better. I was holding the phone upside-down."

(pause)

"And backwards. "

-- Christie's momma

"I'm not sure if they're learning anything, but it's not really the
type of class where you learn stuff."

--Kamila, on the students in the section she's teaching