"my mom and i were driving from san marino to gardena to go to a japanese supermarket. in the middle of the drive, she said, 'it's getting darker.' i looked outside and said, 'huh? it's the middle of the afternoon.' mom replied, 'i meant the people.'"
- my intern at the office, who was talking about driving through south central w/her mom
[awesomely hot Indian doctor demonstrating muscle strength testing on a mock patient: namely, ME]: "ok...resist me [left arm]. ok. good. Resist me [right arm]. Again, resist me [shoulders]..."
[female doctor, interjecting]: "Oh Joe, no one can resist you."
"i mean we all kinda have those fantasies dont we? we just dont POST THEM ON CRAIGSLIST..."
- a friend, commenting on a mutual acquaintance's super-embarrassing public love note about this really hot guy in town. Actually, the posting is so ridiculously creepy that it might be worth quoting on here as well:
"Your luscious abs and pecs (and the semi-apparent bulge in your blue speedos) provoked my penis into an upright position hard to reverse. ... After the dance was over, I couldn't help but go home only to have over-powering sex dreams of you and me in bed constantly kissing and going at it, stimulating you to the max and causing you to virulently blast your semen on my innocently small asian body."
I am not joking, I am going to report you to the federal bureau of investigation for torturing me at night with your fucking faggot transgender investigative perverted disneyland freak methods. I am not joking, this has gone tooooooooooooooooooooo far, you punk. I am not joking, start from the beginning, when you decided to let yourself in to investigating the FAA family. You might die if you don't stop. How can your small penis, be the reason for so much bloodshed. I caught your chink ass and you might die if you dont' start fessing up to your fucking terrorist sins, you fucking Chinese Tawainese mole! You go down shady like all the people who died in those plane crashes because you wont' stop stepping it down. STEP IT DOWN. STOP TORTURING ME! STOP! I am not joking, I've got my black eye documented off of the peaceful phone call I fucking sent you. Don't you fucking forget, I am going to find the Taiwanese mafia here and show THEM ALL OF THE EMAILS THAT YOU FUCKING IGNORED WHEN YOU COULD HAVE SAVED YOUR OWN ASSSSSSSSSSS!!
STop, stopp stop, you fucking CHINK! ANd start fessing up instead of torturing me every night, you quaint done assunder stroller boy victim! You go down, I am going to ruin your favorite cover job, tomorrrow morn! GO AHEAD AND TRY TO TORTURE ME TONIGHT YOU FUCKING PRICK! STEPPPPPPPPP IT DOWN!
No more crashes, no more torturing, I CAUGHT YOUR ASS!
me: the job posting said "no calls please"
c: haha. i guess they get loooooooots of people? or they don't like people haha.
me: lol they're the aclu...they're supposed to like people...maybe not fetuses, but definitely people.
-discussing a job posting at the aclu with cath today
