Robin's boyfriend: I had my usual nightmare last night.

Robin: Which one is that?

Robin's boyfriend: The one where I'm looking for an ergonomically correct bathroom.

When you put it that way...

[to the standardized patient] "Ok, Mrs. H, I've finished the ...um...visual examination of your pelvis, and now I'm um...going to penetrate your rectum...."

-A fellow classmate, at the pelvic exam practicum.

OMG that came out wrong....

"So....now [long pause]....I'm going to perform your rectal exam. Could you please bear down...[pause], could you please bear down as I enter? Oh, I mean, as I...penetra...ahh...no.....sorry..ah...."

-Me, performing my first female rectal exam.

Sometimes, I Disagree

"there's roughly about as many bacteria in your colon as there are neurons in your brain. but there's no real relationship there."
- my lovely physiology prof, during a lecture on the colon and flatulence

i'm tempted to say 'i shit you not'.

A visit from Brian's Drain Cleaning, "the #1 and #2 business in Minneapolis"

Plumber: A web programmer, huh? Wow.
Me: Eh, it's not rocket science.
Plumber: Yeah, same thing with drain cleaning. (counts on his fingers) Shit goes downhill; payday's on Friday; your boss is a jerk.
Me: I'm self-employed.
Plumber: Oh, so then your boss is a real jerk.
Me: Actually, you're self-employed too, aren't you.
Plumber: Yeah, my boss is a total moron. God!

GPS navigation + Germans = destruction

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German motorist followed the command "Turn right now!" from his navigation system and crashed into a small toilet hut by the side of the road -- about 30 yards before the crossing he was meant to take.

The overly obedient 53-year-old from Freiburg drove his sport utility vehicle off the road onto into a building site, up a stairway and into the small toilet shack, police in the eastern town of Rudolstadt said Sunday.

It caused 2,000 euros ($2,500) worth of damage to the stairway, 100 euros damage to his car, and he was also fined 35 euros.

Earlier this month an 80-year-old motorist also chose to follow his navigation system and ignored a "closed for construction" sign on a Hamburg motorway. He then crashed into a pile of sand but neither he nor his passenger were injured.