Reunification of the Obscene Asians, v. 2008

"Cunt is a social disease."

-WOFIGO Fan, referring to his sudden increase in usage of the word, which thereby resulted in an increased usage in San Luis Obispo

Thanks a lot, Mom.

"Madali ipasok, pero mahirap maglabas!"- Momma, in reference to the two women in labor on Private Practice, which roughly translates in English to:

"It's easy to put in, but really hard to take out!"

worst time to have a conversation

"my fingers were inside her and then all of a sudden she started talking to me about the best way to find her ovaries - and she was talking and talking about stuff for like 3 minutes and i was like 'should i pull my fingers out her vagina?' because it felt relatively awkward to be talking to someone and handling them like a hand puppet."

a friend, commenting on her first female pelvic exam

Oh, Craigslist M4M...

"i mean we all kinda have those fantasies dont we? we just dont POST THEM ON CRAIGSLIST..."

- a friend, commenting on a mutual acquaintance's super-embarrassing public love note about this really hot guy in town. Actually, the posting is so ridiculously creepy that it might be worth quoting on here as well:

"Your luscious abs and pecs (and the semi-apparent bulge in your blue speedos) provoked my penis into an upright position hard to reverse. ... After the dance was over, I couldn't help but go home only to have over-powering sex dreams of you and me in bed constantly kissing and going at it, stimulating you to the max and causing you to virulently blast your semen on my innocently small asian body."

would that be corn or flour?

shady dude: hey ladies, can we buy you a drink?

[we ignore.]

shady dude's sidekick: yeah. come inside.

[we ignore.]

shady dude: ladies, we want to invite you to a tortilla fest.

my friend and i (as we walk away more quickly): uh, ewwww!

- Walking on the streets of New York's Chinatown at 12am

Note: I'm thinking he maybe meant taquitos or something rolled since tortillas are not so much phallic as they are round and flat.

i don't make this stuff up

"Alright. one site in the body where, um, high density of staph can be released and toxins can be produced is in the, um, in the case of women that are wearing super-absorbent tampons. this graph illustrates the epidemiology curve of toxic shock syndrome. When the "Rely" tampons were introduced, they were super-absorbent. That changed the milieu of the, uh, um, uh.....um....the vah-...the vag-...what do you call it...the vagina, right? what is the word? that's where you put tampons, right? aaaaahh....i'm a microbiologist!"

- my female microbio professor

I love it when I'm vindicated by biology!

Men stare at crotches

The Online Journalism Review reports on Jakob Nielsen's use of an eye-tracker to look at how different people read the Web -- particularly news. There are lots of interesting findings, but the best is the revelation that men fixate on any visible genital areas in photos -- even animals' crotches come in for a good eyeballing.

Although both men and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place they viewed.

This image of George Brett was part of a larger page with his biographical information. All users tested looked the image, but there was a distinct difference in focus between men and women.

Coyne adds that this difference doesn’t just occur with images of people. Men tend to fixate more on areas of private anatomy on animals as well, as evidenced when users were directed to browse the American Kennel Club site.

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/03/14/men_stare_at_crotche.html

because i have nothing but LURVE for marion...

"when there's something weird, in the clitoral hood, who ya gonna call? Gyn Consult!"
- her latest away message

...this is why i hella HEART you (among other things)!

hm. that was awkward.

[me]: "Is the Foley giving you problems?"

[male patient in thick southie accent, mid 60's] : "Err. hm. yeah, I guess so. makes it hard to [mumble...mumble...trailing off]"

[me]: "I'm sorry? I didn't catch that. It makes it hard to..."

[male patient]: " To piss. To piss."

[me]: "I see. Is it all right if I take a look?"

[patient]: "Yeah sure. Ain't got nothin' left to lose."
[abruptly lifts up robe]

[Nurse comes in]: "Oh, god, I'm sorry! pardon me."

[patient, whispering to me after the nurse left]: "She liked it."

Pigs fly; hell freezes over; the Lampoon is actually funny

How to play Two Truths and a Lie, from the Lampoon:
"1. I have a four-inch penis. 2. I have a nine-inch penis. 3. I have a nine-inch penis."
-- via Jordan

That's What She Said

Okay, I do apologize and promise that this is the last of this nonsense from me. But I had to share this amazing straight line I just got in an email from my roommate:

 

"Kate, you have a package too - one that is also quite cute."

 

(For purposes of innuendo I transcend gender."

eerily appropriate

"on halloween, we had to saw off the arms and legs of our cadaver. today, we had to cut through genitalia. this is eerie and slightly uncomfortable." - my lab partner

"um...nothing says happy valentine's day than sawing a penis open with a scalpel, in my opinion" - me

It's a double hitter of my biggest fears: mold and female genitalia!

Hehe... this is too good not to share... apologies to M:

"if 'dead person STDs' existed, my cadaver would have one, because she's growing mold on her crotch...which is what we're dissecting tomorrow"

AHHHH!!!

the first few of what will be many med school quotes. i apologize in advance.

"that muscle looks disturbingly tasty" - my cadaver lab partner, talking about the erector spinae muscle, a muscle that's deep in the back and apparently looks like a thick flank steak

"how do you hide $100 from a medical resident? put it in his wife's underwear. how do you hide $100 from an orthopedist? put it in a book. how do you hide $100 from a plastic surgeon? you can't!" - the second year student who leads cadaver lab time