it's really been too long

"of all the things i've done, i wish one of them were you"

-two teens at a backstreet boys concert

an inevitable statement, when you drink nothing but wine in 90 degree weather

"everyone's all like 'fight the terrorists', but do you know who we really need to look out for? the canadians! canadian men are streaming across the border at an alarming rate and taking our women - and the biggest problem is that they look just like us....."
- random guy

3-year-old girl: Daddy, is it alright to say no?
Father: Honey, it is ALWAYS alright to say no.
3-year-old girl: It's always alright to say no? Even to grownups and boys?
Father: That's right, honey.
3-year-old girl: Okay! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Father, to me: I walked right into that one, didn't I.

-- Red Line

Can't help ya there, lady

"I know, but I'm a post-generalist, and he just doesn't UNDERSTAND!" – grad student on cell phone, Harvard Yard

Hi, this is the Almighty. Do you have 5 minutes for a short phone survey?

"Fine, we'll put God in charge of the data collection." – overheard, Harvard Yard

But Allston sure is relieved not to be taking the heat

Drunk guy 1: BRIGHTON SUCKS! BRIGHTON SUCKS! BRIGHTON, YOU SUCK SO HARD!
Drunk guy 2: Dude, Brighton can't hear you. It's way over there.
-- Harvard Square

Girl: He used to eat cheesecake alone, but now he's eating cheesecake with Caitlin.
Another girl: What a douche!

-- coffeeshop in Boston

She lives with Big Richard and Big Bow Wow

"So, Mom, is there a Big Kim?" – young girl on #77 bus

i love living in a college town

while in line at the grocery store:

girl 1: i'm glad that we're both looking at the tabloids
girl 2: i really only trust people magazine and US weekly
girl 1: i know what you mean - all the other ones are way below our standards
girl 2: for real

oh race

"my mom and i were driving from san marino to gardena to go to a japanese supermarket. in the middle of the drive, she said, 'it's getting darker.' i looked outside and said, 'huh? it's the middle of the afternoon.' mom replied, 'i meant the people.'"
- my intern at the office, who was talking about driving through south central w/her mom

Totes.

"Whatevs. Obvi you're just totes jeal that I'm so good at abbrev."
"No! I think it's totes awes!"

Can't trust historians neither, evidently

(Guy on bus next to me, counting on his fingers, talking to girlfriend): Ya can't trust doctahs, lawyahs, judges, cops, plumbahs, auto repairmen, drivahs, politicians, or teenajahs. Back in 1900, that caused a civil wah. You lissena me, honey, we're gonna have another civil wah.

Harvard kids: STOP MESSING WITH THE TOURISTS. IT'S NOT NICE.

Minnesotan 1, on plane taking off for Boston: So, they got a subway in Boston, yah?
Minnesotan 2: Yah. It has four lines: the green line, the yellow line, the blue line, and the crimson line. It's red, but everybody calls it crimson.

In which the customer is NOT always right

Middle-aged man ordering at Noch's: I'd like a salad, please.
Cook: You kidding me? You on a diet or what?

Because Whitey Bulger cockblocked him LAST time he was in the Pope's bedroom

"I want to have some really high-profile Catholic students soon. Then I can visit the Vatican by myself, without anybody from the mob. I don't want to meet the Pope or anything like that. I just want to see his house and his bedroom and stuff." -- guy talking on his cell phone, Harvard Square

DTMFA

Walgreens customer:

He's had one job his entire adult life. He's 29 and he's only ever worked for six months . . .

Walgreens employee:

My baby's fourteen and working. I know he can get a job!

"Yes, mom, I know. I know. Yes, I know it's important to have a social life."

-girl on cell phone

Christ is born! Earth to Ferdinand and Isabella...

"It's 'I saw THREE ships come sailin' in.' Count 'em, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, and the other one."

"Yeah, ok. Which one was the mothership?"

-- conversation between cashiers at Walgreens, Central Square

Introducing a new category: Misheard Overheard

As in, I don't THINK I heard that right.

Guy 1 with leafblower: Where are the ground squirrels?
Guy 2 with leafblower: We gotta have the ground squirrels.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be douchebags

"Andre? Ha ha, what a fuckwit. I was hanging out with him studying for Lit & Arts B and he said he didn't know what private equity research was."

-- guy on a cell phone on the NYC-Boston bus