What's this you talk about?

Friend: Have you been to Tokyo?
Me: No! What's that?

- my sudden lapse of memory of a major international city... in my defense, I thought he was talking about a fancy club or restaurant somewhere...

Pub trivia

(While mulling over the question "which country planted a flag on the bottom of the ocean under the North Pole this past summer)

Guy in bar: Wow, you would have to hold your breath for a REALLY long time!

(upon learning that the answer was Russia)

Guy in bar: DAMN! I TOLD you the Chinese suck at swimming!

now that I'm on the psych ward...

"So now what the hell am I supposed to write for an assessment? "Assessment: patient is [scribbling in air] BAT SHIT C.R.A.Z.Y.?"

-a friend, on his morning interview with a selective mute patient with psychotic features.

-----------------
"Can you speak English?"
"Yes. I can. Do you need help?"
"No, like,um, you speak English?"
"I'm, urr, speaking it right now. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"So, um, like, are you Asian? Chinese? Japanese? Korean...."
"I'm Vietnamese. but what can I help you with?"
"Oh, um, are you a doctor?"
"No, I'm a medical student."
"Oh. Ooooh! Nevermind then."

My conversation with a paranoid schizophrenic this morning.

Warning: Chinese candle does what it's supposed to do.

"Candles made in China may pose risk of burns."

-American Medical Association Newsletter headline, from Healthday 9/10/07

Tales from the bar... something racial every day...

Creepy guy: "What's your name?"
Me: ""
CG: "You must have been adopted. Your name is too American for an exotic Asian guy like you."

Later...

CG: "Don't worry, my little Asian friend."

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Food and Freud

A: i lost 10 pounds in a year between june and june, which meant that around april, i was really, really skinny i think 'scarecrow' was what my mother said ;)

 me: oh, wow

  haha burn

 A: well, it wasn't that bad

  but, having been chased around the house with a banana for 24 years ('EAT THIS'), i didn't hear the end of it ;)

  now EVERYONE DOES IT!

  my grandmother, my mother, my aunt l, my aunt p

 me: only with a banana?

 A: no, sometimes other things

but a banana is most portable

  my friend D does it with cheese

  and ice cream

 

  i went to LA, my friend A did it with sushi

  'EAT THIS'

  i've got to tell you, you see those chopsticks coming at you, you obey

  the banana you can ignore

 

  it just gets smooshed