i'm so memorable

I'm going to tell you something that you once told me, and that was really perceptive about this. It was---umm, hold on---umm, let's come back to that.

-Phil

Why I have HAD IT with apartment hunting

ABOUT THE PLACE
Cozy: Cramped
Spacious: Cramped
Furnished: Last guy left all his shit here
Unfurnished: I hope you have measuring spoons and a toilet brush, because I don't
Must be ok with pets: The place smells like pee
Sunny: Has window
Historic / charming / a great value: The ceiling leaks and we have mice
Convenient to Harvard Square: In Allston
Convenient to Davis Square: In Winter Hill
Convenient to public transport: There is one bus line several blocks away, but it doesn't run on weekends
On the Red Line: Definitely not in Cambridge or Somerville, or you'd say that instead
Quiet neighborhood: If you talk on the porch, the yuppies will glare at you disapprovingly
Vibrant neighborhood: Neighbor stubbornly blasts tinny music from his home country at 3am
Street parking available with Cambridge sticker: Good luck with that
Laundry in apartment: Washing machine is in the kitchen propped up on cinderblocks
Porch great for barbequing: Please barbeque for us

ABOUT US
I am open-minded: I have to try REALLY hard to be open-minded
420 friendly: We are so baked while we are writing this
We like movies: We are lazy
We like wine: We are not from around here
We like the Sox: We are definitely not from around here, or we wouldn't feel the need to mention this
Athletic: We get up early and are always in the shower
Laid-back: We probably won't speak to you

ABOUT YOU
Environmentally-minded: We always forget which day is recycling day, so we hope you remember
Drama-free: We don't care how your day was
Interesting: We're bored
Has an active social life: Can you hook us up with some hot girls?
(insert lengthy description here): You are moving into OUR apartment and don't you forget it

I have to put up with something [insert here] everyday

"Are you the surgical consult? Oh no, I'm sorry. Ahahahahaha...!"

-Nurse, to me, while I was looking at a patient's chart last week.

engineers are ballin'

friend who works at an engineering firm: so, what have you been up to today?
me: not much, you know how i roll, class, lunch, class, dinner, studying.
friend: ahh, lots of fun i see
me: *groan* what have you been up to today
friend: i got propositioned to be in a three-some with a co-worker
me: ....*jealous*

"The bacterial Gram-staining technique was created by Hans Christian Gram, back when he was still a medical student- not even yet a doctor. This technique is so sound that it is still used today. So I want each of you to go home and ponder, 'What the hell have I done to better clinical medicine?'...and then get to work."
- Infectious Diseases professor